i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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