your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
