She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
