I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
