oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
