Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
