its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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