4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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