I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
