when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
