You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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