I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
