I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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