just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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