he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
