who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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