census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
