I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
