Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
