You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We left an ass print on the piano.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
