Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
