gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
