i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Who died my cat blue again?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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