that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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