Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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