I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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