I showed him my bush... on skype.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
