i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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