My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
