your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
