Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
