I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
