I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
