She's JV to your varsity
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
