I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
