I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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