worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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