So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
