when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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