I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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