Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
