I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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