yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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