she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
