We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
