my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
