You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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