nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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