people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
