i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
