I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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