She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
