hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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