Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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