i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
